Apr 1, 2015

Be Kind to Yourself, Girl

Most days I forget that I've lost fifty pounds. The part that I remember is that I actually lost seventy-two pounds. I don't give myself credit for keeping fifty of those pounds off for nearly four years now. I only remind myself of the twenty-two that have found their way back onto my body. Why am I so hard on myself? Why don't I focus on how far I've come instead of constantly reminding myself of how far I have to go? 

I tend to forget about the fact that I completed a half marathon in spite of gaining back twenty-two pounds. I also tend to forget the fact that I can lift heavy weights. I'm stronger than I've ever been in my life. Why does this not cross my mind when I'm putting myself down? 
And my eating habits? They have changed drastically! Don't get me wrong, I'd still love to sit down with a tub of frosting and eat every last lick. But I do not allow myself to do that anymore. First of all, I'd probably get sick because my body isn't used to all those chemicals and all that sugar. Second of all, I know so much better now. I know what food makes me thrive and what food makes me sluggish. 

All of these things are huge accomplishments for someone on a weight loss journey, and yet I continue to put myself down every single day. Will this ever end? Will I ever get to the point where I say, "This is my perfect body and I am completely satisfied." Or will I always criticize myself? 

After my fiancĂ© took this photo of me in LA last weekend, I looked at my phone and I immediately thought, "Why do I think I'm fat???!!!" My arms look amazing and defined! My waist is tiny. And most importantly, my skin is clear! {Thanks to the Whole 30} If only I could continuously see myself as I did in the moment. Life would be so much easier. 

In the photo below, I wasn't even at my heaviest on the left. I remember those jeans were very tight around my waist. I'm pretty sure they were a 16. I wear a 12 now. At my heaviest I was an 18. Buying a size 18 was my reality check. 

Again, I wasn't at my heaviest yet in the photo on the left but you can definitely see I carried extra weight in my belly. 

And then there was my chin and neck area. Thankful to see changes there. My collar bone has definitely popped out more while I was on my last Whole 30. 

The crazy thing is that I still wasn't at my heaviest in the photo on the left. I do not even remember being that big. Isn't it ironic that I don't remember being that big but I still see myself as being that big? The photo on the right was taken yesterday morning. Day thirty of my latest round of the Whole 30. 

I know I have a ways to go on my weight loss journey. According to the BMI chart, I am still considered obese. Unfortunately they do not take muscle mass into account. And I know I'm not solid muscle. I guess I've just been critiquing myself for so long and now that's all I know how to do. I need to re-train myself. I need to treat myself physically the same way I treat myself emotionally. 

Email me


  1. You look amazing!!! Why do we do this to ourselves?? I am guilty too, all the time instead of seeing how far I've come I look to how much further I have to go. Ughh it's a struggle. You look fabulous don't let that little voice get to you

  2. We are always so hard on ourselves! You're not alone, and it is great that you remember to be kind to yourself, too. Congrats on meeting your goals, and keep being kind to yourself!!